Who are you?
Hello, my name is Mark and I’m a stickler for service.Â Some may even call me a food cynic.Â I’m extremely difficult to please, and it seems that I can always find something to complain about, from a casual bistro all the way up to elegant fine dining.
I’m not here only to complain, though.Â Oh, no, dear readers: I’m here to serve you.Â Consider me your ambassador to the oftentimes ruthless culinary world of New York and beyond.Â On your behalf, I am an arbiter of unreasonably high expectations, ever wielding the relentless blade of snide criticism wherever I go, bar or cafe, Chipotle or Per Se.
Please, don’t thank me yet.Â Let me explain a bit more about who I am.Â I’m a recent college graduate, now living in New York working by day in the corporate world.Â At my pristine desk in one of the many towering office buildings on Park Avenue, I am subjected to countless swarms of details and minutiae, with which I’m expected to comprehend and deliver on.Â I’ve gotten quite good at it.Â I hereby pledge to bring this strictness of composure and uniformity of expectations (or, just being anal) to each and every restaurant I travel to.
Why food, though?Â Well, that’s easy: I love food.Â All kinds.Â I suppose I prefer good food, but that’s certainly not a strict requirement for an enjoyable meal, is it?
But Mark, why are you so mean to restaurants?Â What did they ever do to you?
I don’t see myself as mean, but rather as picky.Â Sure, I enjoy a dry piece of chicken or an overcooked piece of salmon as much as the next guy, but why should I delude you, loyal readers, into thinking it’s a good meal?
What do you do on this “Black Napkin”?
I thought I already explained this?Â Okay, I’ll be more clear: I serve you in any culinary capacity I can.Â I critique restaurants, survey bars, provide food and wine tips, create (or fail at attempting) recipes, and occasionally, when I can trick people into talking to me, conduct interviews.Â Yes, I know, it seems like I’m a jack of all trades.Â That’s because I am.
What do you look like?
Well, isn’t that the million-dollar question?Â Also a bit of a strange one.
How can I contact you?
Ah, now there’s a reasonable question.Â You can reach me by email at:
Life’s too short to eat bad food.